A few years back I was working with a lady in her late 70s. She had been doing personal and spiritual growth work for decades.
This lady, I’ll call her Rose, came to me for assistance, because in her words (paraphrase), I don’t want to die and still be binge eating and angry at my mother for setting me on this path of a eating disorder since I was a small child. Rose had worked on other issues in her life but never this one. The one she called the mother load.
As we worked together Rose discovered that the binge eating started at age eight when she went into a bakery with her mom, salivated at the cookies in the display case, asked for one and her mother said, No you’re getting fat, in a loud voice. Everyone in the shop stared.
She remembered being shocked by her mother’s anger and tone. Shocked her mother said no. Feeling confused and bewildered. Feeling like she did something bad. Feeling disappointed in not getting a cookie.
Rose remembered going home, fleeing to her room crying. Feeling there was something wrong with her. Feeling she was not good enough. That her mother didn’t love her.
Shortly after, Rose started sneaking food. Hiding food. Going to her friend’s homes and asking for cookies.
She didn’t express her feelings and emotions. Instead she bottled them up inside where they festered. And ate on the sly as much food as possible.
When she was a teen and finally had her own money, she spent it buying sweets, cakes, ice cream and yes cookies. She ate them in private. No one knew, but they saw the weight she gained which rained more words and tone down upon her from mother.
The beliefs, patternings and behaviors continued over the years culminated in a see-saw battle of binging, purging and dieting.
Rose desperately wanted the love of mom and yet hated mom at the same time.
Her health, self esteem, relationships and bank account suffered.
The inner work she did over the years did help. Rose was able to make improvements in self love and acceptance. Learned to love her body as it is. Understanding that likely when mom said no to the cookie all of those years ago, she was talking to herself because of her own food and body image issues.
Rose was able to slow down the binging, end the purging but the now engrained automatic patterning, was still present. The binge eating pattern reared up anytime Rose felt bad, unloved, denied, disappointed, frustration, despair, charged emotion and “feelings.”
She described it as a cloud that covered her head blocking mindfulness and conscious choosing. A cloud that allowed her inner parts to initiate the binge. The cloud only lifted after the binge when she “woke up” to a pile of wrappers, bags and pastry boxes strewn around her.
When the euphoria, the high of the sweets binge crashed, she was was left in a puddle of self loathing, self defeat; self judgement.
Once we discovered and explored the core of her food and mother issues, that being her sweet little eight year old inner child, feeling lost, confused, unloved … I was able to guide Rose to new and healthy connection with her eight year old. Give her eight year old part the love, listening, hugs, compassion, fun that she always wanted and never got from mom.
During the sessions we worked together to shift beliefs, decisions, conclusions, concepts of reality and old sabatoguing patterns and habits.
New awareness and consciousness was created around events of the past.
Supportive strategies for moving forward were initiated.
Rose released heavy mom energy from within, made peace with mom, the past and her inner saboteur.
She took responsibility for her life and choices. Released her own shame and guilt.
The work we did together laid the foundation for deeper self love and forgiveness. A happy eight year old inner child who not only felt Rose’s love and acceptance, believed it. And created the inner atmosphere and mindset to refrain from succumbing to the cloud of unconscious binging, and if by chance she did, forgive, love, learn and adjust.
We stayed in touch for a few years following our session work and I was happy to hear updates that Rose was growing in leaps and bounds in reclaiming her body, her mind from a lifelong sabatoguing patternings.
Her desire to free herself from her meta pattern, meaning life long deeply ingrained belief paradigm, came true. There was peace in her heart.
YES you can make change at any stage in your life.
Make a firm decision that you want to create change and begin to take steps.
Ask your Higher Self or God to guide you to the right and perfect people and therapies to help you.
Stay focused even when the journey is wobbly. These types of patternings don’t change overnight. But your firm decision will support you through the ups and down towards transcendence.
Most of my clients are 35 years old and up; the majority are 50 plus. Ready and willing to do what it take to make change is what is required. You can do it too.
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Hi I’m Esther Bartkiw, holistic core belief therapist, intuitive and energy reader; entangled with LIGHT. I blend core belief therapy with psychological tips, tools and techniques, spiritual concepts and practices to facilitate for my clients deep inner change which positively transforms their day to day reality.
Access Me Here: https://linktr.ee/estherbartkiw