Last night my controller part raised its ugly head. I was checking emails and a note popped up from an acquaintance who wanted to change a meeting date.
As I read the words I could feel my controller part start to rise inside of myself. (what is a part? click here) This is the part of me that always wants to be in control, wants everything my way and doesn’t like to budge for other people.
Ten years ago my controller was my biggest self saboteur for it was fully present in all areas of my life.
At the time it thought it was helping by protecting me, making me feel safe and keeping me comfortable by getting people to do things my way. Yes it thought it was showing me love by honoring and watching out for me. The is controller part had a real, “I’ve got your back,” attitude.
But what my controller part was really doing was creating havoc in my life. It sent an energy eminating from me that people didn’t like; keeping them at distance. It created an energy of force, resistance and hardness in my body and in my life. It made me rigid, unaccommodating, selfish (not a good way), prideful, arrogant and at times belligerent.
This controller while it thought it was helping me created unease in my life. It sabotaged me in friendships, business connections, meetings and at work.
The controller and its effect resulted in behaviors such as arguing, overeating; a militant attitude towards exercise. The result was that I was often tired, depleted, unhappy, unproductive, lacking friends and had a strain on my face and body which was very apparent.
Yes a controlling part can have all of these effects and more on individuals.
I spent much time working on my control part using the Core Belief Engineering technique and have shifted it to a place of camaraderie rather then of distress.
You see there are times when having a controlling attitude or part is good. Like when there is a crisis and everyone around you is falling apart and you rise to the occasion and take control of the situation. Or when you are hosting a workshop or meeting and all eyes are on you to lead the group. To have a part that can assist you in controlling the atmosphere, the agenda, the result of the day is a big thumbs up.
Last night when my control part surfaced, it was the controller of days of old. I felt the familiar hot flash move through my body which signals to me that it is raising its ugly head. I can physically feel it moving from my stomach up into my throat and then peer out of my eyes. It moved fast and it was ticked off.
As it emerged I was conscious enough to know that I needed to step away from the computer and refrain from responding to the email. I knew that a quick response would have been sent with the wrong tone and vibration and would have done more harm then good.
For 24 hours I restrained myself from response and during that time I looked at the beliefs which were anchoring the rise of the controller.
Digging deep to the core I saw that I didn’t feel valued in the situation. I felt taken advantage of, that this commitment was something I didn’t really want to do in the first place. I didn’t honor myself by saying No the first time around.
And so my controller was coming to the rescue ready to tell this person off and save me from doing something I didn’t want to do.
But I knew that letting my controller loose was not the way to go. It would only result in damage and it wouldn’t have lined up with my purpose and intention of being kind, helpful and moving people forward.
Once I identified these limiting thoughts and beliefs and had a CBE style discussion with my control part it simmered down.
The next morning when I went back to my computer to respond to the email my eyes and mind read the words differently. In the email were words like, I would greatly appreciate it if… I know you have a busy schedule and you are doing this as a favor but would you consider, if you are unable to accommodate us we understand.
I missed those words the first time around when my controller raised its ugly head.
A Controller is an important part of our psyche. It can be a good helpmate and as you can see it can be destructive.
Perhaps you have controlling tendencies or you are living with someone with control issues and it is time to do something about it. Getting to the core, which is at the the level of belief and making change at that level will create a deep transformation from within which will greatly ease or release your controlling issues and bring peace back into your life.
PS. During the Month of February 2012 I am holding a contest. Winner gets a free 30 telephone channeled reading. All you have to do is leave a meaningful comment on this or any other blog post on my site. Good luck!