Did I Choose The Wrong Mother: Feeling Conflicted Over Mother’s Day?

Let’s face it, not everyone grew up with a mom that they love and adore. Not everyone is excited about honoring their mom on Mother’s Day. Many people have a dysfunctional mom wound which is wide open and festering.

During private sessions, I encounter on a regular basis, people who have mom issues. Sometimes it was mom not being there for them. Other times it was mom turning a blind eye to such things like abuse. For some people it was the cutting words, glares and gestures from mom that they hold onto and remember.  Others grew up with a fabulous mom but their own perceptions and beliefs have her ranking low on the pole.

I too at one time had mom issues. I felt unloved, unwanted and abandoned by my mother. I felt she cared for my sisters more than me. I was angry at her for influencing me with limiting and negative behaviors and beliefs about food and body image. I resented that she wasn’t a “traditional mom” who baked cookies and cooked Sunday dinner. I was angry at her for leaving my dad and breaking up our family. The list goes on and on.

For the longest time I didn’t feel like honoring mom on Mother’s Day. So if you find yourself in this position, I get it. No judgment here.698517_dancing

So what do you do when Mother’s Day rolls around and you aren’t feeling in the spirit of honoring her?

Here are my suggestions:

Begin to look at mom as a spirit who is playing a specific role for you. Understanding and learning the concept that mom has had a helping hand in the lessons you came to learn in this lifetime goes a long way in healing Self. As I look back at how I grew and what I learned from my childhood experiences, I now know that all was in perfect order. While it was painful at the time, I am a better person for it. My mom was perfectly chosen by me for me growth and learning.

Extend Forgiveness. Forgive mom for all that you feel she has done and forgive yourself for being angry towards her. When working with my clients on their mom issues all come to a place of understanding within themselves that mom was doing the best she could with the knowledge, ability and beliefs she held and in some instances continues to hold. They end up by expressing and feeling sympathy towards her rather than anger.

The most important step when faced with this quandary of not wanting to honor mom, is to begin working on yourself and healing yourself from the inside out. When you begin to heal and release the memories, thoughts, patterns, beliefs, emotions which came from mom and were absorbed into your being you’ll feel better and everything will begin to change. I promise.

We can’t change the past and we can’t change mom. But we can change how we respond, feel and reminisce about our past experiences regarding mom. When we change ourselves on the inside something miraculous happens, we begin to effect change to those around us, including mom. If by chance mom doesn’t come around, at the very least you have freed yourself from the angst you have been holding inside of yourself. That’s a big thumbs up in my book.

I’m happy to report that my mom and I now have a beautiful relationship. It’s still not the traditional mom and daughter relationship, I had to let that longing go. As I shifted my inner world and began to accept mom as she is, not expecting anything different, a peace and an ease came over me and us as a duo. Today we love each other dearly in our own special way.

On Mother’s Day if you don’t feel like honoring mom, that’s okay. If you want to change that feeling begin to take these steps. There is hope for a different and brighter future. You chose the right mom!

~Love, Esther

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Comments

  1. Esther – what a fantastic post. I applaud you having the courage to write about a delicate issue and doing it so well. I’ve discovered many of the same things about my relationship with my mom and can say your suggestions truly help. Thanks again!
    Bob Wilson

    • Thank you Bob. I knew this post was going to push buttons. So far people have accepted it in the spirit intended and many are privately connecting with me to say they struggle with this very issue. Blessings to you.

      • You’re welcome, Esther. A little button-pushing now and then is a good thing. I’ve got 7 siblings & unfortunately a number still have strong resentment or anger toward mom. I’ve just come to see she did the best she could at the time…and that is all any of us can do. It was just so refreshing to read an honest post vs a “Hallmark” one – thanks again for that.

        Bob

  2. Esther – what a fantastic post. I applaud you having the courage to write about a delicate issue and doing it so well. I’ve discovered many of the same things about my relationship with my mom and can say your suggestions truly help. Thanks again!
    Bob Wilson

    • Thank you Bob. I knew this post was going to push buttons. So far people have accepted it in the spirit intended and many are privately connecting with me to say they struggle with this very issue. Blessings to you.

      • You’re welcome, Esther. A little button-pushing now and then is a good thing. I’ve got 7 siblings & unfortunately a number still have strong resentment or anger toward mom. I’ve just come to see she did the best she could at the time…and that is all any of us can do. It was just so refreshing to read an honest post vs a “Hallmark” one – thanks again for that.

        Bob

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