What Is Your Greed?

With all the talk about Occupy Wall Street and similar events being held around the world I took some time to contemplate the issue of Greed. While the protests of this movement are focusing on the greed of big business and the wealthy, I chose to focus on other kinds of greed.

At first I thought to myself “What Is Greed?” And decided that my definition of greed is a driving desire to possess or acquire more then one needs in any given area, often to the detriment of other people

Then I thought to myself, “What is my greed?” The first answer which popped into my mind was food. This thought made complete sense because  food, weight and body image issues haunted me for years.

I realized that binging on food is a form of greed. Eating in excess, always wanting more, never satisfied and sometimes taking away food from others in effort to soothe my inner hurt and pain was greed. When I binged there wasn’t enough food to satisfy and more often then not it was only because I made myself sick or passed out in a sugar coma that I stopped eating.

When I was at an event and pieces of cake were being doled out and I noticed that my slice was smaller then the person next to me greed came upon me. I wanted what they had.

When I dined with friends at a restaurant I would size up everyone’s dinner choices as soon as they arrived at the table to see if I had “more.” I had to have the biggest plate and the most food. I was greedy.

I also experienced greed in my desire for attention and the spotlight.  Wanting desperately to be noticed and loved I would want for attention with a fervor that could only be described as greedy. Once I burst into fits of crying at a bridal shower because I didn’t have someone who loved me. And all eyes turned to Esther. The attention was back on me.

At times I would conduct myself with arrogance, cockiness, a prideful sense of confidence all to be noticed. I was often the loudest, the biggest, the strongest in the room in effort to ensure that all eyes were on me. It was my greed.

We all have a greed. While greed is often most closely connected with dollars and material goods as you see it’s not always about money.

Regardless the form of the greed there is a common denominator amongst those who are greedy. Greed is simply a symptom, behavior, an attitude of something deeper. Whether it is a greed of a person or of a corporation there is a core thought and/or belief which is driving the greed.

Some of the core beliefs which fueled my food greed were, “Nobody loves me. I am unwanted. Nothing ever turns out for me. I feel deprived. I can’t cope. I am not capable.” Binging on food was something I could control and fill myself with. Food loved me even if just for a brief moment. Food soothed and comforted. I wanted it all. I couldn’t get enough. Sounds like greed to me.

My greed for attention and recognition was based on similar beliefs, “Nobody loves me. I’m not pretty enough. Nobody cares. Good things happen to other people. Life is struggle.”

I resolved these issues of greed in my life by making deep change at the core of my being consciously and subconsciously. Similarly in order for the greed of big business or the world at large to dissolve,  change needs to be made at the core. Greed is a symptom of something deeper.

What is your greed?

And what are the limiting core beliefs fueling it?

~Love, Esther

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Comments

  1. Shellarella says:

    excellent “food” for thought. thanks esther.

  2. Shellarella says:

    excellent “food” for thought. thanks esther.

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